I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
