the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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