My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
