I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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