i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
