I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
