I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Randomize
