Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
i need some magic done to my vagina
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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