people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
