when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
