and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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