Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The air was thick with penises
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
