I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
