No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
