The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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