In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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