so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
