How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
