Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
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