Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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