I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
