Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I have aggressive nipples.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
