Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
