NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
