is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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