So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
