these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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