we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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