this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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