If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
