I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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