I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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