This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
