I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she told me i tasted like america
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
