he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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