I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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