I hate your face
Too much gin, very little bucket
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize