I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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