That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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