I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
