im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
