From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
