On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
