This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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