Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
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We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
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Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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