I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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