I want to walk on stilts...naked
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
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i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
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I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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