I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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