Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
