what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
