Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
