Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
