my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
