Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
