he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
