You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
