A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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