dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
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He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
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Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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