Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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