So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
