Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
