Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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