haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
