Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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