She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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