Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
