Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
