you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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