Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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