My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
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Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
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I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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