3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
