i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize