Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We need to get me chipped asap
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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