No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
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kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
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Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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