the condom got lost in my hair
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
