Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
