You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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