i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
did you just send me my own nude
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
