you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he puts the penis in happiness.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
