I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize