Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
