Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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