so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
